#IAmASurvivor are stories from women of all walks of life, telling their stories of survival. Everybody is a survivor and all stories deserve to be told. These stories are all in their own words.
My name is Busisiwe Dladla a 23 year old plus size model and IT graduate born and raised in the city of gold.
I grew up in a very small kasi called Munsieville not really much happens there and you basically see the same people every day which means even the mentality that most people have there is not really broad which now brings me to my story.
Believe it or not I grew up as an extremely skinny kid sometimes I myself do not even want to believe it because I feel like I have been big all my life I hardly remember what it’s like being a size small and honestly I don’t think I even want to because when I look at it I kind of say to myself “but what if, if I was skinny I never would have had the opportunities that I have had in this body, because of this body and with this body “ . Anyways back to my story. Throughout my school years I have always been outspoken, loud, talkative very opinionated, absolutely love being in front of a crowd and having people listen to me ( lol I know what you are thinking but yeah I love the sound of my own voice and trust me you would love it too if you heard it) I think most of my insecurities weren’t really because I was bullied because like I said I have a very vibrant personality which I kind of used as a shield from being body shamed because I always has something smart to say to protect myself a lot of my peers were intimidated by that but between me and you I would say that I body shamed myself more than anyone else.
Amongst my group of friends I was the fat one (I think every fat girl totally relates) but also I was the one with the most personality so let me just say I was never the fat girl that never had boys hit on her that was never the problem for me or the fat girl that was always an outcast.
I made everyone else around me fall in love with me but deep down I didn’t really love myself because I looked at all my friends that were able to wear anything that they wanted and I couldn’t.
Now here is a moment that changed my entire life for good. I remember one afternoon I was walking from home to a friend of mine and I came across these two girls standing by their house gate and they looked at me as I walked by and one of them said “if I was ever her size I would kill myself” at that moment I think I kind of died for a minute or two stood there numb….God knows I wanted so bad to cry but I didn’t because I'm gangster like that lol. I turned back right there and then got home went straight to my room and I don’t think I have ever cried that much in my life, you know that cry that you end up closing your mouth with your hand so that no one hears you, or you bury your face in the pillow and hope to God no one hears you so that you won’t have to explain why your crying….yeap that one.
I remember being so confused asking and wondering why would a complete stranger say that about someone else they also do not know, I sat there questioning everything I am hating so much of it and wishing that I could just cut it all off and then I would like all my friends and not have the world stare at me like I have some contagious killer disease…
I too will be called beautiful and sexy and have my peers compliment parts of my body.
It did not happen overnight in fact it took a very long time because I also remember there was a time where I would refuse to walk around during lunch hour because I thought that everyone that was looking at me was judging me and thinking that I probably shouldn’t even be eat lunch. I started avoiding anything that required me to go out in public and dress up, I hated wearing anything that showed off any part of my body I hated having even my arms out short sleeves were a nightmare for me. I wasted my high school years looking down on what I was and wishing I wasn’t it.
Fast forward to now today at this very moment and I am the most beautiful , empowered, educated brave and courageous and FAT young woman and the is nothing that anyone can say about who and what I am that is intended to hurt me because I now know who and what I am. I fall in love with my body every day I look at it and the funny part is I feel the most beautiful when am naked and I can’t believe that I spent all those years hating everything that made me Me literally distinguishes me from everyone else and make me BUSISIWE. I am not my fat but my fat is very big part of who I am (see what I did there lol) go out there and be you the world needs what and who you are.
PS: TO THE TWO GIRLS THAT INDIRECTLY TOLD ME TO GO KILL MYSELF I JUST WANNA SAY
If you want to connect with Busisiwe on Instagram, click here.